Not Stopping For Life (August 2012)
Sometimes I find it hard to believe that I’m already in my eighteenth year. My childhood memories are already tucked away in the corners of my mind, so I often can’t remember, on a whim at least, exactly how I got here. I’m just here now. And lately, I’ve started to think that that’s the way I should be living. My eyes naturally avert themselves to either the past or the future. Most of the time I’m too focused on what could happen tomorrow or what stupid thing I did the other day to really care about what I’m doing in the present. And realizing that I’m this far into my life, I’m also seeing that my mindset is absolutely wrong.
Some may say that I’m still young; that I have to do certain things first before I take a leap of faith into the abyss that is the real world. They may tell me that I have time. But of all the realizations that came along with my official adulthood, the one that hit me hardest was that I might not have as much time as everyone thinks I have, and I’ve grown tired of following the path that has been laid down for me since birth. I’ve started to believe that since life won’t stop for you, you can’t allow yourself to constantly stop for it.
I guess this new view on life has been a culmination of changes that have thrown me for a loop throughout the past year, but I also think that it’s been the result of something that happened to me what, in my lifetime, I consider a long time ago. Since then, the feeling that I have so little time to do what I truly want to do with my life has rooted itself in the back of my mind; it’s been that itch I could never really scratch.
Five years ago, my aunt passed away from acute leukemia. She was also my godmother, and had been—though as life always goes, I didn’t realize it until after her passing—one of the most influential people present in my life. She had kick started my passion for music, a love that has kept me going through the toughest of times. She showed me what true strength is in the face of dismal circumstances. But the most important thing I learned from her is that there’s no promise of tomorrow. Only in her mid-fifties, she was gone, probably a good thirty years before she should have passed. And though I’ve lost other immediate family members, this struck me the hardest because though you might be here one minute, you could be gone the next, as quick as that.
Because of all this, I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to allow myself to feel stuck in a situation that I’m unhappy with. When I don’t like the way things are going in my life, I’m going to change them, no matter how difficult and terrifying it may be. It’s all because I’ve realized that there isn’t enough time in life to waste on being unsatisfied. If I feel like joining the Peace Corps, that’s what I’m going to do. Or if I want to go on some singing competition show and give my silly dream of being a singer a real shot, then I’m not going to let anything or anyone stop me.
It's been tough to think of ways that I can immediately incorporate this newfound belief into my life, but I know I should start small, and I've come up with one way I can put my words into action. As I said, my aunt inspired my passion for music, a passion that I find I've left behind since I've gotten to college. Not having that creative medium in my life, I have noticed, has left me feeling sort of empty. So, I've decided that with this new philosophy to back me up, I'm going to get involved with music on campus, at least as much as I can without it being my major. I think I'm going to sign up for a music class or two next semester, and see if I can join some kind of choir. Whatever I end up doing, I know it's what will make me more happy, and life is way too short to not do what makes you happy. In life, I believe that the only thing you have to lose is time, and I’m not going to lose mine because the only reason I’ve been put on the earth is to make the most of it. I won’t wait for life because I know it won’t wait for me.
Some may say that I’m still young; that I have to do certain things first before I take a leap of faith into the abyss that is the real world. They may tell me that I have time. But of all the realizations that came along with my official adulthood, the one that hit me hardest was that I might not have as much time as everyone thinks I have, and I’ve grown tired of following the path that has been laid down for me since birth. I’ve started to believe that since life won’t stop for you, you can’t allow yourself to constantly stop for it.
I guess this new view on life has been a culmination of changes that have thrown me for a loop throughout the past year, but I also think that it’s been the result of something that happened to me what, in my lifetime, I consider a long time ago. Since then, the feeling that I have so little time to do what I truly want to do with my life has rooted itself in the back of my mind; it’s been that itch I could never really scratch.
Five years ago, my aunt passed away from acute leukemia. She was also my godmother, and had been—though as life always goes, I didn’t realize it until after her passing—one of the most influential people present in my life. She had kick started my passion for music, a love that has kept me going through the toughest of times. She showed me what true strength is in the face of dismal circumstances. But the most important thing I learned from her is that there’s no promise of tomorrow. Only in her mid-fifties, she was gone, probably a good thirty years before she should have passed. And though I’ve lost other immediate family members, this struck me the hardest because though you might be here one minute, you could be gone the next, as quick as that.
Because of all this, I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to allow myself to feel stuck in a situation that I’m unhappy with. When I don’t like the way things are going in my life, I’m going to change them, no matter how difficult and terrifying it may be. It’s all because I’ve realized that there isn’t enough time in life to waste on being unsatisfied. If I feel like joining the Peace Corps, that’s what I’m going to do. Or if I want to go on some singing competition show and give my silly dream of being a singer a real shot, then I’m not going to let anything or anyone stop me.
It's been tough to think of ways that I can immediately incorporate this newfound belief into my life, but I know I should start small, and I've come up with one way I can put my words into action. As I said, my aunt inspired my passion for music, a passion that I find I've left behind since I've gotten to college. Not having that creative medium in my life, I have noticed, has left me feeling sort of empty. So, I've decided that with this new philosophy to back me up, I'm going to get involved with music on campus, at least as much as I can without it being my major. I think I'm going to sign up for a music class or two next semester, and see if I can join some kind of choir. Whatever I end up doing, I know it's what will make me more happy, and life is way too short to not do what makes you happy. In life, I believe that the only thing you have to lose is time, and I’m not going to lose mine because the only reason I’ve been put on the earth is to make the most of it. I won’t wait for life because I know it won’t wait for me.